Sit With Your Pain

I enjoy listening to Dr. Charles Stanley’s In Touch Ministries television and radio broadcasts.  One broadcast in particular has left a lasting impression on me.  Dr. Stanley spoke about his struggle with forgiving his stepfather and the fact there are many things that he wished he had a chance to say to him.   His stepfather passed away many years ago so the conversation to repair their relationship is no longer an option in a physical form.  Dr. Stanley went on further to describe a method of coping with forgiveness by sitting in a chair and placing another chair beside you imaging the person you struggle to forgive is there.   The conversation should be open and honest and express every bit of anger, unresolved questions or resentment that you may have.  Too many, this may sound strange at first but if you do not let go and express the pain of your past it will haunt your present relationships in many forms of dysfunction.   This extends far beyond the notion of gender-based stereotypes in terms of expressing feelings and emotions because at the end of the day no one can love unconditionally without knowing how to forgive.  The forgiveness extends far beyond other people it also involves forgiving one’s self.  True forgiveness begins with the acknowledgement of the offense and over time releasing the need for a payment of debt in order to embrace forgiveness.  Truthfully, my struggle with forgiveness is my desire for an apology from someone and the reality that it may never arrive.  The additional struggle is the “get over it factor” , the notion that I have moved on from my pain but upon further examination I often discover I have not come to grips with the true depths of my emotions.   Terrie Williams author of Black Pain, says "you have to learn to sit with your pain."   Sitting with your pain involves getting up close and personal with how you really feel about something and the impact it has taken on your emotional stability.  You cannot control what has happened in your past or even what will happen in your future but you can control how you choose to respond to whatever happens in your life.  Dr. Stanley and Miss Williams both have the same basic principle in mind an individual has to spend some time embracing the toll of painful experiences including exploring the taboo subjects of clinical depression and repressed anger.  Overall, I challenge you to sit with your own pain because ignoring it delays open communication as the key to the success of both your personal and professional relationships.

What About Your Friends?

“What about your friends will they stand their ground
Will they let you down yeah, yeah
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you”

TLC “What about Your Friends”

The older I get the more tightly I hold the reservation of the term friend.  A friend is someone who does not care how many degrees I have or the status of my personal connections lists.  A friend loves me at my best and at my worst.  A friend is someone I can call when I need a shoulder to cry on or is an open mind of which I can share ideas.  A friend is the person who sees the best in me when I only want to focus on what is wrong about me because I am perfectionist.  In 2005, I decided to leave Seattle and quit my job to move to Houston.  It was a bold move met with both encouragement and the infamous “you have some nerve quitting a good job.”   The nerve argument was because I did not immediately have another job lined up.  In 2006, I interviewed and went to career fairs faithfully however it took an entire year to find a new position.  I can say this is one of my boldest moves. I faced my fears head on and learned some humility lessons I needed to learn in terms of pride.  I also learned I had some friends of mine that were really associates.  The risk taker in me had made some people very uncomfortable.  Making some people uncomfortable turned into unreturned phone calls and e-mails on the no response list.   At the end of 2006, I found my current position and moved to Dallas.   It was a joyous time my prayers had been answered but not without a test of my faith and learning more about who my true friends are.  Currently, I am expanding my dreams in the world of publishing and the performing arts.  Since I was ten years old, I loved the arts even though as an adult I would pursue a degree in engineering. The pursuit of my dreams is now bringing on the comments “a career in the arts is not marketable in this economy.”  However, making this happen and flourish is at the top of my bucket list and no matter what my ambitions, as an artist and writer remain solid despite another person’s doubts.  The truth is nothing is stable not even the engineering job others may think is the most secure. I appreciate all of my truly supportive friends that know how much this dream means to me.  It is not about seeking fame or recognition it is about embracing my passion and gifts that I know are a blessing.  Overall, what about my friends is the fact the number is really smaller for me in times of great adversity and uncomfortable change.